It doit y avoir absolument éternité en musique: 我作曲故我在 – I compose; therefore I am.

Archive for the ‘潮水帶走的曾經’ Category

漫談「纖、光罅、聲之氳」

2006/02/17 Fri. 師大演奏廳
與我自1999年相識暨今的作曲同行--邱兄,與他的兩位役中同袍合開的獨奏小品音樂會。

兩位鋼琴獨奏及一位聲樂的演出,曲目皆是精緻優美的小品。那天是飄著斜風微雨的夜晚,黃昏時分我在OM阿hum用完晚餐,在師大夜市買了一顆焦糖蘋果,才進到音樂會的場地。沿途所穿越、行經的足跡,皆是被雨水給沖淡了的記憶場景。

那也是我頭一遭看見站在舞台上的邱兄。打從當年在保送甄試考場上認識以來,我們這一屆始終命運多舛,三年前一場流行長達數月的SARS,使所有的大四畢製 不得不取消,期待已久的邱兄的演出自然也在其中。之後我考進研究所,邱兄便從軍去了,我在大三、大四及碩士班畢業的作品發表會,他都扮演著相當具有義氣忠 實的聽眾。這次倒難得換我來寫關於他的音樂的事,儘管是所謂在稱呼上被強迫降級的「副修」,我總相信會演奏的作曲家,總是能將音樂詮釋的比主修演奏者來得 精確、細膩,台上rehearsal經驗也會較獨奏家來得更豐富些。

我必須承認自己並不了解聲樂,因此這部分便不作文章了。另一位鋼琴演奏家張震泰的觸鍵方式相當地沉重,從他指尖下流露的Mozart與Bach與印象中之 靈活輕快相去甚遠,但並不失為驚人且特殊的詮釋模式:失去童真的小星星變奏曲並不可愛,卻帶了股在悵然間摸索的滄桑,以及偶而接收到即興式靈動的驚喜。和 聲的質感與voice-leading有時較為霸道,使得音樂呈現一種「並非不斷往前走」的迂迴,宛如踩在冰冷的磁磚地板上進退難行。這樣的戲劇性固然令 人驚歎,於我而言卻難以在音樂行進的當下,陶然樂在其中。

簡單地帶過同台的節目,重頭戲便放在邱兄的演奏上吧!

最先上場的是葛利格的敘事曲,一首我原以為很龐大但事實上是歌唱性小品的曲目。可惜這次的節目單上不僅沒有演奏家們的背景簡介、聲樂曲目的歌詞中譯,也任 何沒有樂曲解說,僅能靠純粹全然的聽覺來理解,若非對樂曲原本便相當熟稔的話。邱兄最大的優勢在於,他所彈奏出來的和弦具有飽滿、豐厚的色彩,既沒有一般 鋼琴演奏家過於強調「主旋律」的重心偏移,也沒有忽視任何一個和弦的simultaneity及sonority。厚沉且溫潤的觸鍵使樂曲的「敘事」多了 許多尚未說完的想像空間,也因此當曲終結束後不由得錯愕:曲子竟然已經沒了?

接著是拉威爾的小奏鳴曲第二樂章,恰好是我非常熟悉、做過研究的曲目之一。邱兄的詮釋是我有生以來所聽過最另類的一個版本:它的徐緩與中間大膽收放的 rubato,幾乎完全打破在樂譜上所指定的「Mouvt de Menuet」(意即應該演奏得如同小步舞曲)速度與3/8律動。大家都知道,當在音樂會上現場聆聽一首愈熟的曲目,反而是件愈冒險的事,因為必須讓耳朵 接收許多料想之外的客觀資訊,而事實上我所聽過唯一真正能合乎期待的演奏版本是Ashkenazy所錄的Scriabin奏鳴曲。我對於此曲的欣賞便在於 這樣的拉扯之間,聽著台上的演奏者以近乎陌生的方式,詮釋著自己最熟悉的音樂--若要說起,我對它的刻板印象儼然「空山新雨後」般地清新。

第廿一小節共有四個線條同時進行,其中上方數來第二聲部開頭的C音很遺憾地,成了向來重視voice-leading的邱兄的漏網之魚。事實上在這個f小 調起始的樂段中,存在著大量複雜交織的線條,這也是Ravel與Debussy最大的差異之處:我認為這點在詮釋上是無法比照Debussy的彈法來處理 的。樂曲中間ff的左手琶音,邱兄以令人訝異、充滿男子氣概的詮釋方式,賦予柔軟的音樂一股鐵也似的陽剛與明亮;而隨即出現的三個升記號,豎琴似的琶音, 彷彿刻意讓人忘卻時間洪流的鐘擺律動,我稱它為「梅湘式的處理法」,因為它使時間暫時性地停頓在應該被分析成一連串「anacrusis」的音型間。

到下半場的舒伯特,我才終於體會在上半場開場前,邱兄特別強調「小睡有益健康」之類的用意何在,因為我幾乎從來沒有一次聆聽舒伯特不會神遊出境,這次恐怕 也不例外,儘管雙眼並沒閉上,思想意念卻不知何時已與音樂的方向脫軌。而同一個part中的棕髮少女,是曲析很喜歡考風格手法的平時考古題之一,邱兄的觸 鍵最適合德布西不過了:那是一種完全法式、色彩繽紛的暖色系和諧。聽得出是首用愛意詮釋著的音樂。我常告訴自己演奏詮釋與作曲分析角色的不同,在創作時我 們無法抱持著過多不切實際的想像,然而對於演奏的身份而言,除了達到譜面要求的精準以外便祇能靠想像力來賦予它靈動的生命了。

巴哈的升C小調賦格,一首充滿時間推進力的樂曲。我之所以不使用「張力」兩個字,並非它不存在,而是自始至終,在兩個主題的進入、發展間,呈現的是不斷累 積、堆疊的漸進式推動,如同滾雪球愈滾愈大一般,而非令人緊張不安、弔詭的懸疑。簡單來說便是把巴哈的「大」給彈出來了。(類比:大潘的「大」亦為此意)

最後是拉威爾的死嬰孔雀舞曲,同時也是我相當喜愛、又一首儼然「空山新雨後」的曲目。對於它的進行倒比較沒有特別出乎意料的發現,除了偶而在裝飾琶音上製 造某些驚喜之外--也許是性別上的某種暗示吧?總認為它的步調較為急促,穿插在全曲的古典與悠閒間,顯得有些「大男人主義」般地唐突。邱兄給了全場聽眾一 首沉重的壓軸,那是段令人無法翩翩起舞的帕望舞曲,整體而言是悲傷大於歌唱的、「哀莫大於心死」的氣氛,這樣的詮釋方式對於剛從一段逝去記憶中回來的人算 是種殘忍。

音樂是用來與人分享、見證成長經歷及心路的,作曲家又何嘗不能藉由演奏來彈出自己內心的聲音呢?我曾經在做研究最苦悶的時候,在鋼琴畔寫下了這樣一段話: 「當年我主修演奏時,作曲為我的生命開啟了一扇窗;而如今作曲成為我的使命,惟演奏能讓我找回靈魂的方向。」寫在梅湘為耶穌聖嬰的第十五個凝視、「親吻」 主題那段的樂譜上。邱兄無疑是此般境界的實踐者,站在舞台上演奏並非炫技琴匠或明星花瓶的專利,而是,那塊空間祇屬於願意將音樂拿出來分享的人。

一場聲音與光影的盛宴,在漆黑且疲憊不堪的微雨的夜。
以上茶餘飯後隨談一下爾爾,此時此刻也許配上一杯法式的焦糖Latte會更加適宜。

My 11 days in Warsaw

Sep. 15 Thu. 2005

After a long-time flight, I was arrived in Warsaw with tireness. When checking-in hotel some problems happened that made me wait for a long time because the staff didn’t find my confirmation immediatly; foretunely, it eventually went smooth on everything.

The temperature here is so strange that it’s a bit cold outside but very warm in the chamber. I found Warsaw airport much smaller than that in Kaohsiung, and it’s near to city center which can just be conneted by bus.

In the afternoon I took the bus to Old Town, getting tickets and program book to the festival, and walked around there to take some photos. Later my friend and I met on the plaza and found a restaurant in the market square whose price wasn’t too expensive. Traditional Polish food is so special and delicious that I like one kind of jam made of berries; moreover, they have very good service. Polish people are usually kind to help you, henve I never worry if I don’t understand their language or what’s printed on the map.

I stay in a single room in Grand Hotel today, being expectative for the concerts tomorrow. What’s the most satisfying for me is to take a hot shower immediatly when going back to the hotel, and then I write some posrcards to my friends and family in Taiwan, including myself.

Travelling alone is really so easy and exciting that makes a good experience.

Sep. 16 Fri. 2005

Around noon I took the tram to Jewish Cemetery, but it wasn’t their opening time that I went to Mcdanold’s to modify my schedule.

It was raining all the day (sometimes heavy); redardless the weather, I went to New Town to visit several churches and historical buildings. After the tea time, I walked around Old Town again, but I didn’t enchance into the Royal Palace for the time being closed. I found a restaurant with vegetarian dishes byside the plaza that has some handsome waiters and delicious foods.

This evening was the first concert of Warsaw Autumn, hold in Philharmonic, where the acoustic effect is very smooth and fine. First time listening to live “Acoustic Archievement” music, I found some different sounds and ideas that I wrote all my thoughts on the program book. Works performed tonight had good orchestration and timbe, without too many strange articulation and skills; however, the whole effect was very charming. I’ve listened to Matsushita’s Hi-Tien-Yu for three times which today was included, and at different ages I have vary feelings. Now I can clearly hear the mutual relationship between the solist and the orchestra in the crescendo concerto form.

The second concert was hold in Chopin Academy where has very special pipe organ and sculpture of Chopin. The program was mainly “Sho” solo performed by a Japanese lady, and the selected works were quiet, with many long notes, slow pace, chords, clusters, and silence that made the figure become more evident and important.

I hope I can find some new ideas and plan to rewrite my composition under working. Maybe I have to give up some initial thinking I insisted searching and trying.

Sep. 17 Sat. 2005

In the morning I visited National Museum, where a lot of Polish and European paintings as well as decorative arts are exhibited. Then I walked on the street nearby; for a pity that Ostrogski Palace is unavailable until Oct. 1, I had my plan change to find the Wersaw Mermaid that took me a very long walk. In order to take the tram, I walked along the river bank for a distance, and even saw an abnormal guy on the overpass.

Initially I tried to stay in a coffee bar or fast-food restaurant before the concert started; however, I couldn’t find any shop so that I chose to sit down on the bench by the bus stop in the cold winds.

Today’s first program took place in “Koneser” vodka stiller, which is similar to an old factory and has very good resonence. An Russian chamber music group played several Russian composers’ works, and I also always wrote down all my responds. I found that many Polish people can still rarely understand English that we were difficultly communicated with each other.

I was arrived bake in city center when it was only 40 minutes to the next concert; hence I stayed in an Asian vegetarian restaurant for my easy dinner, fried noodles with various vegetables, which cost only 15 zloty.

Tonight I first time listened to Huber’s and Holliger’s works, whom I only heard their name without studying anything about their compositions. I like both of them much, and there was another composer’s work interesting that I never felt boring or drousy during the concert even if I was very tired. It’s very worthy to go to this festival for so many cheap and excellent performances available here.

Sep. 18 Sun. 2005

In the morning I visited Earth and Science Museum which is on a hill near the hotel. Foretunely today is free for visiting, and I saw many minerals and fossils. After that I attempted to take the tram to Koneser; however, the kiosks near the museum didn’t open, and the driver didn’t sell a ticket on the tram that I couldn’t get on it. A kind madam helped me to solve the problem of communication, and then told me how to get an one-day ticket as well as where to take a more suitable bus.

Unluckily the bus didn’t come immediatly, so I decided to take a taxi for being in a rush. The taxi driver understood no English that I could only dedicate where to go on the map, and he wasn’t acquainted with that place; as a result, I was arrived around 20 minutes late.

The programs today were all quite excellent that made deep impression. In the afternoon I had enough free time to visit two points, Royal Palace and Chopin Monument, which were placed on entirely different direction. Royal Palace was free for entrance, too. Then in the evening I had my dinner in the same vegetarian restaurant where I went yesterday, ordering another food. There was a Malaysian girl as a waiter, treating me very friendly.

In the concerts tonight, I met a Polish youth who has whiskers and we talked to each other. After ending he acompanied me to find a store where I finally bought some drinks and walked back to the hotel. So tired today that I just wrote a postcard to Robin and sent a message to my mentor to mention my circanstence here. I hope it to go more smoothly tomorrow that never get lost again, and I feel complexity in my mind after hearing so many good performances on those compositions.

 

Sep. 19 Mon. 2005

Being too tired, I got up a little late today, and went to visit Jewish Cemetery where is some distant from the city center. Many tombs there were carved in both Polish and Hebrew; besides, it was bizarre that their backs sometimes appeared different people’s faces. I’ve taken a photo that shows this strange appearance.

 

The program in this afternoon was a fringe event, meeting the composer Ishiro Hosokawa, who spoke Japanese and was translated into Polish. Hence I didn’t understand the content of the lecture that I could just sat there, reading the score. After that, I went shopping until when before the concert tonight.

 

 

In the evening, for convenience, I still had me dinner in the same restaurant. Today’s performance was very excellent, gained much applause. I admire their delicate orchestration and dramatic tension inner muisic. Works of Japanese composers were more like French style that the sentences was constructed of several mild phrases with different dynamics and articulations. The last concert today took place in St. Trinity Church, performed a Russian composer’s Requiem of which the instruments included a chamber orchestra, 3 soloists, mixed chorus, piano, harp, and percussion. It was a grand piece that was played for all the concert without intermission, blended both tonal (historical) and atonal materials. I like its mystic, solemn style, which made me think of John Tavener’s music. It really moved a lot of audiences.

 

 

On the way going back to the hotel, I met a German girl who studies musicology, stayed in Warsaw for doing research of her doctor dissertation about Polish composers and their works. We talked to each other, and she told me that there’s a cheap, delicious vegetarian bar on the opposite side of my hotel. I think it will be my lunch tomorrow.

 

Sep. 20 Tue. 2005

 

At noon I took the taxi to Lazienki Park, for the bus didn’t come that I couldn’t wait. I visited there and took many photos, having a long walk. The palace on the Water, Theatre on the Island, and Chopin Monument are the most famous sights where both many tourists and citizens stay.

 

 

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Then I took the bus and the tram to the concert, which is quite distant from the hotel and the place where the next program was held. Foretunely the festival office offered an additional bus for their guests to directly leave to next concert which was outside from the other side of Warsaw city. The second concert was much better that the former seemed to be students’ works for their amateur appearance, and I thought that even my own composition is also better.

 

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Amazingly the last piece of the concert tonight used only diatonic sonority as its pitch material but did very successfully that the combination of both acoustic and visual effects were naturally proper, with graceful orchestration and splendid musical variety. I got a new conclusion from today’s performances that both inner relationship and acoustic logic are important to the music even if when one tries to create a special atmosphere among the work.

 

 

Sep. 21 Wed. 2005

 

At noon I took the metro to Jewish Ghetto, there I met a girl who came from south Africa and was a freshment in Warsaw. We talked and visited with each other, taking a lot of photos and exchanging our native languages. Her language “Ndebele” is very difficult for most people to pronounce that includes several strange consonants such like “x”, which should be pronounced as “g” simutaneously with a tongue slap.

 

 

Then I catched the bus to the concert where I met many young people, including painter, composer, musician, and audience. One of them was a Polish girl, who was on the same way to Philharmony and we took the taxi together for the time being too rush. Tonight was my first time listening to live performance of Boulez’s orchestral work, “Notation”, which is an excellent piece containing several complex layers inside. The conductor and the large orchestra were very good that gained much applause when ending.

 

 

 

The last concert today took place in another art center far away from city center; therefore we youngers took the taxi together and shared the cost. It was very special that the program was performed in completely darkness for all the duration, around an hour. I was not used to open my eyes without vision, so I closed them for just listening to it. I enjoyed that good acoustic experience very much.

 

 

 

However, I couldn’t find my dinner except for fastfood, and I regreted spending too much money eating. Gotten too many fried foods, I felt stomachache when back to the hotel.

 

Sep. 22 Thu. 2005

 

I had my lunch at noon in the vegetarian bar opposite to the hotel. Its food wasn’t expensive, but I didn’t enjoy the raw carrots and salads. Then I went to the Royal Route where many palaces and churches located, taking many photos under the fine weather with sunshine and blue sky.

 

 

Unexpectively one friend who came from Taiwan for International Chopin Piano Competetion encountered with me on the street, and directly speak Chinese to me. I couldn’t recognize who he was immediately until I asked him; actually I forgot his majoring in piano that I assumed him just as an enthusiast for classical music.The concert in this afternoon was performed by Karios Quartet who played works of string quartet for all the program. They had amazingly many strange sounds and effects that gave me a lot of inspiration on my recent writing; as me decision, that I decided to rewrite it and open my eyes on the music field was accurate.

 

 

In the evening the program was an opera which was constructed of many different kinds of music styles, mixing both two languages, French and English. Everyone on the stage could be an actor, including the soloist singer, the chorus, the orchestra, the conductor, and so on. Although I neither made sense of the libretto nor understood the plot at all; however, I enjoyed the atmosphere and the splendid performance very much. This was my second time to watch a live opera, which made more impression and showed better appearance. It was also a specific experience.

 

 

I felt so tired after successive two concerts for a little throatache and headache that I should wear more clothes when leaving the hotel.

 

Sep. 23 Fri. 2005

 

In this morning I went to Zachodni station to buy a bus ticket to Zelazowa Wola,, where only three buses are available per day. Foretunely, a kind gentleman who is an English teacher helped me to do it smoothly, because the officer in the tourist information there didn’t speak English at all. He was very glad to help me when he knew that I study music in Taiwan, and rhen showed me where the platform is as well as how to recognize the words inside the bus.

 

 

 

After taking lunch, I went back to the hotel, designing some materials about my composition, and had a nap until the evening when I took the tram to Bemowo sport center for the concert. The program was Boulez’s “Repons”, which is a masterpiece for soloists, ensemble, and computer, taking place in an old gym located on the suburb of Warsaw that I should walk through the path when arrived at the final tram-stop.

 

 

 

Both the work and its performance were soperfect that I guessed Boulez must be more amazingly excellent if he conducted his own work by himself. Machines and computers of IRCAM actually developed very good technique to create highly acoustic effects that were delicate and exquisite.

 

 

 

 

The second concert was in the other art center where we can take the free bus offered by the festival office. It was performed by a Korean group who looked some unfriendly and vulgar on first impression, but the music was special and attractive that we could entirely enjoy in it. By comparison, among Asian people I prefered Japanese for their good manner.I found CD in Poland very expensive that I could rarely afford them; however, I bought some of which commendable but scarce in Taiwan, such like Scelsi, Partch, and some of other Polish composers whose works are cheaper than foreign ones’.

 

 

Sep. 24 Sat. 2005

 

The first concert today was at noon, so I directly walked to Philharmonic from the hotel. They chose a series of calm works for this program that I could hear a lot of delicate sounds and their graceful combination.

 

 

After that, three friends and I took several photos and then went to Old Town where we walked around for buting some souvenirs, because today was our last day in the festival. Two of us had to leave earlier that only the Polish girl and I took a long walk around the market square, choosing something special; eventually I bought three nacklaces, two artistic bottles, and a key ring. However I spent much money buying CDs, even if they were expensive, I purchased it as long as it’s unavailable in my native country and rarely seen.

 

 

 

We went to the final concert which only had two works in the program after our dinner in Green House. I prefered Hosokawa’s work, but I could enjoy in another piece, too. Actually I heard many acoustic fragments that inspired my some ideas, but I couldn’t be attracted with it all the time for its vulgar permutation without any development of those materials. At the ending we said goodbye to each other, and I didn’t know when we can be together again: maybe never or many years later, I think. I believe that we must meet on different statuses in the future as long as we can stand on the world stage, being an excellent musician or composer.

 

 

 

When going back to the hotel, I wrote the last postcard to Robin, telling him all my feelings and leaving eventual words in Warsaw that I hoped to meet with each other in Taipei soon after tomorrow. I suddenly found my vacation was about end, and there remained only one month for me to complete the work. It’s really a terrible reality.

 

 

Sep. 25 Sun. 2005

 

I got up early to take the bus to Zachodni station in the morning; fortunely there were money-exchange and bus tickets available that I never need to worry if I didn’t have enough cash or couldn’t take a bus. The always checked your ticket on a city-suburb bus, and I was affraid of the circumstance like in a few days before.A Japanese boy who studied piano and Japanese literature was also going to Zelazowa Wola, and we met each other at the bus station. He assumed me as a Japanese; then we talked and visited together all the day, listening to two ourdoor Chopin concerts and a competetion in Culture and Science Center. We took a lot of photos, and surely, bought many souvenis that included Chopin’s hand, which I yearned for before. The bus to Zelazowa Wola was interesting that when it was arrived, there was a broadcast playing a melody of Chopin’s “Military” polonaise by the trumpet. We both laughed when hearing that funny reminder to the tourists.

 

 

Chopin’s birthplace was in a village which there were only a few houses and cars, distant from Warsaw city. I’d seldom been a rural area; therefore it was very exciting for me to take such an old bus, passing through the fields under the beatiful sunshine. The waether today was fine, suitable to do to the countryside that we enjoyed our day-trip very much, walking in the park by the water, surrounded with Chopin’s music.

 

 

It was also my last night in Warsaw, so after the competetion we had our final dinner in a restaurant near the city center, where we could find some delicious vegetarian foods, under handsome waiters’ good service. The Japanese boy was very kind for acompanying me to eat vegetarian food and sharing them with me, and I really felt moved.

 

 

Before farewell to Poland, I kept very impressive memory in my mind that I could rarely be concious with the time going so fast as so many events occured and so various thoughts given. Maybe my pace here was much faster than that in Taiwan; hence, my new life is going to start.

 

Sep. 26 Mon. 2005

 

After check-outed, I had my last lunch in the vegetarian bar opposite to the hotel, and took the taxi to the airport with Tien-Ming, whose flight was only 35 minutes earlier than me. We said goodbye to each other, also.

 

 

My flight was on 16:15, from Warsaw, transfered in Amsterdan, Stopped in Bango, and arrived in Taipei on Sep. 27, evening. During the flight I met another Polish girl and an Englishman, the former was first time traveling alone, transfered her flight in AMS, and I helped here to find the boarding gate; the later was on both the same flight and bus to Taipei with me, so we eventually began to talk.Here is the end of my 12-days self-trip in Warsaw.

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Sep. 15 Thu. 2005

After a long-time flight, I was arrived in Warsaw with tireness. When checking-in hotel some problems happened that made me wait for a long time because the staff didn’t find my confirmation immediatly; foretunely, it eventually went smooth on everything.

The temperature here is so strange that it’s a bit cold outside but very warm in the chamber. I found Warsaw airport much smaller than that in Kaohsiung, and it’s near to city center which can just be conneted by bus.

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In the afternoon I took the bus to Old Town, getting tickets and program book to the festival, and walked around there to take some photos. Later my friend and I met on the plaza and found a restaurant in the market square whose price wasn’t too expensive. Traditional Polish food is so special and delicious that I like one kind of jam made of berries; moreover, they have very good service. Polish people are usually kind to help you, henve I never worry if I don’t understand their language or what’s printed on the map.

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I stay in a single room in Grand Hotel today, being expectative for the concerts tomorrow. What’s the most satisfying for me is to take a hot shower immediatly when going back to the hotel, and then I write some posrcards to my friends and family in Taiwan, including myself.

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Travelling alone is really so easy and exciting that makes a good experience.

Sep. 16 Fri. 2005

Around noon I took the tram to Jewish Cemetery, but it wasn’t their opening time that I went to Mcdanold’s to modify my schedule.

It was raining all the day (sometimes heavy); redardless the weather, I went to New Town to visit several churches and historical buildings. After the tea time, I walked around Old Town again, but I didn’t enchance into the Royal Palace for the time being closed. I found a restaurant with vegetarian dishes byside the plaza that has some handsome waiters and delicious foods.

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This evening was the first concert of Warsaw Autumn, hold in Philharmonic, where the acoustic effect is very smooth and fine. First time listening to live “Acoustic Archievement” music, I found some different sounds and ideas that I wrote all my thoughts on the program book. Works performed tonight had good orchestration and timbe, without too many strange articulation and skills; however, the whole effect was very charming. I’ve listened to Matsushita’s Hi-Tien-Yu for three times which today was included, and at different ages I have vary feelings. Now I can clearly hear the mutual relationship between the solist and the orchestra in the crescendo concerto form.

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The second concert was hold in Chopin Academy where has very special pipe organ and sculpture of Chopin. The program was mainly “Sho” solo performed by a Japanese lady, and the selected works were quiet, with many long notes, slow pace, chords, clusters, and silence that made the figure become more evident and important.

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I hope I can find some new ideas and plan to rewrite my composition under working. Maybe I have to give up some initial thinking I insisted searching and trying.

Sep. 17 Sat. 2005

In the morning I visited National Museum, where a lot of Polish and European paintings as well as decorative arts are exhibited. Then I walked on the street nearby; for a pity that Ostrogski Palace is unavailable until Oct. 1, I had my plan change to find the Wersaw Mermaid that took me a very long walk. In order to take the tram, I walked along the river bank for a distance, and even saw an abnormal guy on the overpass.

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Initially I tried to stay in a coffee bar or fast-food restaurant before the concert started; however, I couldn’t find any shop so that I chose to sit down on the bench by the bus stop in the cold winds.

Today’s first program took place in “Koneser” vodka stiller, which is similar to an old factory and has very good resonence. An Russian chamber music group played several Russian composers’ works, and I also always wrote down all my responds. I found that many Polish people can still rarely understand English that we were difficultly communicated with each other.

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I was arrived bake in city center when it was only 40 minutes to the next concert; hence I stayed in an Asian vegetarian restaurant for my easy dinner, fried noodles with various vegetables, which cost only 15 zloty.

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Tonight I first time listened to Huber’s and Holliger’s works, whom I only heard their name without studying anything about their compositions. I like both of them much, and there was another composer’s work interesting that I never felt boring or drousy during the concert even if I was very tired. It’s very worthy to go to this festival for so many cheap and excellent performances available here.

Sep. 18 Sun. 2005

In the morning I visited Earth and Science Museum which is on a hill near the hotel. Foretunely today is free for visiting, and I saw many minerals and fossils. After that I attempted to take the tram to Koneser; however, the kiosks near the museum didn’t open, and the driver didn’t sell a ticket on the tram that I couldn’t get on it. A kind madam helped me to solve the problem of communication, and then told me how to get an one-day ticket as well as where to take a more suitable bus.

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Unluckily the bus didn’t come immediatly, so I decided to take a taxi for being in a rush. The taxi driver understood no English that I could only dedicate where to go on the map, and he wasn’t acquainted with that place; as a result, I was arrived around 20 minutes late.

The programs today were all quite excellent that made deep impression. In the afternoon I had enough free time to visit two points, Royal Palace and Chopin Monument, which were placed on entirely different direction. Royal Palace was free for entrance, too. Then in the evening I had my dinner in the same vegetarian restaurant where I went yesterday, ordering another food. There was a Malaysian girl as a waiter, treating me very friendly.

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In the concerts tonight, I met a Polish youth who has whiskers and we talked to each other. After ending he acompanied me to find a store where I finally bought some drinks and walked back to the hotel. So tired today that I just wrote a postcard to Robin and sent a message to my mentor to mention my circanstence here. I hope it to go more smoothly tomorrow that never get lost again, and I feel complexity in my mind after hearing so many good performances on those compositions.

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Sep. 19 Mon. 2005

Being too tired, I got up a little late today, and went to visit Jewish Cemetery where is some distant from the city center. Many tombs there were carved in both Polish and Hebrew; besides, it was bizarre that their backs sometimes appeared different people’s faces. I’ve taken a photo that shows this strange appearance.

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The program in this afternoon was a fringe event, meeting the composer Ishiro Hosokawa, who spoke Japanese and was translated into Polish. Hence I didn’t understand the content of the lecture that I could just sat there, reading the score. After that, I went shopping until when before the concert tonight.

 

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In the evening, for convenience, I still had me dinner in the same restaurant. Today’s performance was very excellent, gained much applause. I admire their delicate orchestration and dramatic tension inner muisic. Works of Japanese composers were more like French style that the sentences was constructed of several mild phrases with different dynamics and articulations. The last concert today took place in St. Trinity Church, performed a Russian composer’s Requiem of which the instruments included a chamber orchestra, 3 soloists, mixed chorus, piano, harp, and percussion. It was a grand piece that was played for all the concert without intermission, blended both tonal (historical) and atonal materials. I like its mystic, solemn style, which made me think of John Tavener’s music. It really moved a lot of audiences.

 

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On the way going back to the hotel, I met a German girl who studies musicology, stayed in Warsaw for doing research of her doctor dissertation about Polish composers and their works. We talked to each other, and she told me that there’s a cheap, delicious vegetarian bar on the opposite side of my hotel. I think it will be my lunch tomorrow.

 

 

Sep. 20 Tue. 2005

 

At noon I took the taxi to Lazienki Park, for the bus didn’t come that I couldn’t wait. I visited there and took many photos, having a long walk. The palace on the Water, Theatre on the Island, and Chopin Monument are the most famous sights where both many tourists and citizens stay.

 

 

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Then I took the bus and the tram to the concert, which is quite distant from the hotel and the place where the next program was held. Foretunely the festival office offered an additional bus for their guests to directly leave to next concert which was outside from the other side of Warsaw city. The second concert was much better that the former seemed to be students’ works for their amateur appearance, and I thought that even my own composition is also better.

 

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Amazingly the last piece of the concert tonight used only diatonic sonority as its pitch material but did very successfully that the combination of both acoustic and visual effects were naturally proper, with graceful orchestration and splendid musical variety. I got a new conclusion from today’s performances that both inner relationship and acoustic logic are important to the music even if when one tries to create a special atmosphere among the work.

 

 

Sep. 21 Wed. 2005

 

At noon I took the metro to Jewish Ghetto, there I met a girl who came from south Africa and was a freshment in Warsaw. We talked and visited with each other, taking a lot of photos and exchanging our native languages. Her language “Ndebele” is very difficult for most people to pronounce that includes several strange consonants such like “x”, which should be pronounced as “g” simutaneously with a tongue slap.

 

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Then I catched the bus to the concert where I met many young people, including painter, composer, musician, and audience. One of them was a Polish girl, who was on the same way to Philharmony and we took the taxi together for the time being too rush. Tonight was my first time listening to live performance of Boulez’s orchestral work, “Notation”, which is an excellent piece containing several complex layers inside. The conductor and the large orchestra were very good that gained much applause when ending.

 

 

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The last concert today took place in another art center far away from city center; therefore we youngers took the taxi together and shared the cost. It was very special that the program was performed in completely darkness for all the duration, around an hour. I was not used to open my eyes without vision, so I closed them for just listening to it. I enjoyed that good acoustic experience very much.

 

 

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However, I couldn’t find my dinner except for fastfood, and I regreted spending too much money eating. Gotten too many fried foods, I felt stomachache when back to the hotel.

 

Sep. 22 Thu. 2005

 

I had my lunch at noon in the vegetarian bar opposite to the hotel. Its food wasn’t expensive, but I didn’t enjoy the raw carrots and salads. Then I went to the Royal Route where many palaces and churches located, taking many photos under the fine weather with sunshine and blue sky.

 

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Unexpectively one friend who came from Taiwan for International Chopin Piano Competetion encountered with me on the street, and directly speak Chinese to me. I couldn’t recognize who he was immediately until I asked him; actually I forgot his majoring in piano that I assumed him just as an enthusiast for classical music.The concert in this afternoon was performed by Karios Quartet who played works of string quartet for all the program. They had amazingly many strange sounds and effects that gave me a lot of inspiration on my recent writing; as me decision, that I decided to rewrite it and open my eyes on the music field was accurate.

 

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In the evening the program was an opera which was constructed of many different kinds of music styles, mixing both two languages, French and English. Everyone on the stage could be an actor, including the soloist singer, the chorus, the orchestra, the conductor, and so on. Although I neither made sense of the libretto nor understood the plot at all; however, I enjoyed the atmosphere and the splendid performance very much. This was my second time to watch a live opera, which made more impression and showed better appearance. It was also a specific experience.

 

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I felt so tired after successive two concerts for a little throatache and headache that I should wear more clothes when leaving the hotel.

 

Sep. 23 Fri. 2005

 

In this morning I went to Zachodni station to buy a bus ticket to Zelazowa Wola,, where only three buses are available per day. Foretunely, a kind gentleman who is an English teacher helped me to do it smoothly, because the officer in the tourist information there didn’t speak English at all. He was very glad to help me when he knew that I study music in Taiwan, and rhen showed me where the platform is as well as how to recognize the words inside the bus.

 

 

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After taking lunch, I went back to the hotel, designing some materials about my composition, and had a nap until the evening when I took the tram to Bemowo sport center for the concert. The program was Boulez’s “Repons”, which is a masterpiece for soloists, ensemble, and computer, taking place in an old gym located on the suburb of Warsaw that I should walk through the path when arrived at the final tram-stop.

 

 

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Both the work and its performance were soperfect that I guessed Boulez must be more amazingly excellent if he conducted his own work by himself. Machines and computers of IRCAM actually developed very good technique to create highly acoustic effects that were delicate and exquisite.

 

 

 

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The second concert was in the other art center where we can take the free bus offered by the festival office. It was performed by a Korean group who looked some unfriendly and vulgar on first impression, but the music was special and attractive that we could entirely enjoy in it. By comparison, among Asian people I prefered Japanese for their good manner.I found CD in Poland very expensive that I could rarely afford them; however, I bought some of which commendable but scarce in Taiwan, such like Scelsi, Partch, and some of other Polish composers whose works are cheaper than foreign ones’.

 

 

Sep. 24 Sat. 2005

 

The first concert today was at noon, so I directly walked to Philharmonic from the hotel. They chose a series of calm works for this program that I could hear a lot of delicate sounds and their graceful combination.

 

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After that, three friends and I took several photos and then went to Old Town where we walked around for buting some souvenirs, because today was our last day in the festival. Two of us had to leave earlier that only the Polish girl and I took a long walk around the market square, choosing something special; eventually I bought three nacklaces, two artistic bottles, and a key ring. However I spent much money buying CDs, even if they were expensive, I purchased it as long as it’s unavailable in my native country and rarely seen.

 

 

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We went to the final concert which only had two works in the program after our dinner in Green House. I prefered Hosokawa’s work, but I could enjoy in another piece, too. Actually I heard many acoustic fragments that inspired my some ideas, but I couldn’t be attracted with it all the time for its vulgar permutation without any development of those materials. At the ending we said goodbye to each other, and I didn’t know when we can be together again: maybe never or many years later, I think. I believe that we must meet on different statuses in the future as long as we can stand on the world stage, being an excellent musician or composer.

 

 

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When going back to the hotel, I wrote the last postcard to Robin, telling him all my feelings and leaving eventual words in Warsaw that I hoped to meet with each other in Taipei soon after tomorrow. I suddenly found my vacation was about end, and there remained only one month for me to complete the work. It’s really a terrible reality.

 

 

Sep. 25 Sun. 2005

 

I got up early to take the bus to Zachodni station in the morning; fortunely there were money-exchange and bus tickets available that I never need to worry if I didn’t have enough cash or couldn’t take a bus. The always checked your ticket on a city-suburb bus, and I was affraid of the circumstance like in a few days before.A Japanese boy who studied piano and Japanese literature was also going to Zelazowa Wola, and we met each other at the bus station. He assumed me as a Japanese; then we talked and visited together all the day, listening to two ourdoor Chopin concerts and a competetion in Culture and Science Center. We took a lot of photos, and surely, bought many souvenis that included Chopin’s hand, which I yearned for before. The bus to Zelazowa Wola was interesting that when it was arrived, there was a broadcast playing a melody of Chopin’s “Military” polonaise by the trumpet. We both laughed when hearing that funny reminder to the tourists.

 

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Chopin’s birthplace was in a village which there were only a few houses and cars, distant from Warsaw city. I’d seldom been a rural area; therefore it was very exciting for me to take such an old bus, passing through the fields under the beatiful sunshine. The waether today was fine, suitable to do to the countryside that we enjoyed our day-trip very much, walking in the park by the water, surrounded with Chopin’s music.

 

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It was also my last night in Warsaw, so after the competetion we had our final dinner in a restaurant near the city center, where we could find some delicious vegetarian foods, under handsome waiters’ good service. The Japanese boy was very kind for acompanying me to eat vegetarian food and sharing them with me, and I really felt moved.

 

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Before farewell to Poland, I kept very impressive memory in my mind that I could rarely be concious with the time going so fast as so many events occured and so various thoughts given. Maybe my pace here was much faster than that in Taiwan; hence, my new life is going to start.

 

Sep. 26 Mon. 2005

 

After check-outed, I had my last lunch in the vegetarian bar opposite to the hotel, and took the taxi to the airport with Tien-Ming, whose flight was only 35 minutes earlier than me. We said goodbye to each other, also.

 

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My flight was on 16:15, from Warsaw, transfered in Amsterdan, Stopped in Bango, and arrived in Taipei on Sep. 27, evening. During the flight I met another Polish girl and an Englishman, the former was first time traveling alone, transfered her flight in AMS, and I helped here to find the boarding gate; the later was on both the same flight and bus to Taipei with me, so we eventually began to talk.Here is the end of my 12-days self-trip in Warsaw.

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怪癖

在朋友的點名遊戲裡,被規定寫下的自己的五個怪癖。

基本上我認為自己是個十足正常的人,應該沒什麼特別怪癖,就算有也都在正常人格特質的種類中吧。不過想來也是滿有趣的,果真是個自貶身價的遊戲啊….祇好硬著頭皮想想看了。

但我還是習慣強調這是「個性」而不是「怪癖」。

1. 不愛打電話。也許是網路發達的緣故,很習慣在線上 一面和人對話,一面做自己的事,但電話便必須全神貫注,有點像是在考聽力測驗。我偏偏是那種即使講中文仍經常miss掉許多訊息的人。所以除非必須直接聯 絡或是急迫的事情我才會使用電話吧,而且我不喜歡等人接電話或冒著各種狀況的風險,也不喜歡接沒有重要事的電話,我承認自己沒有足夠的耐心應付電話這東 西。

2. 用餐一定要有飲料。通常吃一餐對我而言,其中一項 很重要的部分便是飲料,若少了這部分會沒有滿足感。比如大學時修早上八點的課,便喜歡選擇包子配奶茶,午晚餐簡單點可能就是便當或鍋燒麵一類的配紅茶,諸 如此類。就算在家裡吃飯也一樣,我的飯碗旁邊必定會有一杯魔力點子或是其他的杯裝飲料,無論飯後有沒再喝starbucks,附餐飲料永遠是必備品。

3. 不愛跟人共用物品。我有一點莫名的潔癖,從簡單的文具、書本、手機、茶杯、安全帽等東西,即使在家中我都堅持祇使用「自己的」,也不太習慣將自己的東西借給朋友用。就像狗依照氣味認自己的地盤一樣,我也會認氣味跟感覺,包括筆的握感跟寫字觸感等,這樣似乎有點機車。

4. 非常重視顏色跟質感的搭配。我沒辦法忍受自己的東西不是同一個色系,外出的物件搭配也必須考量,從衣著、包包、髮帶、鞋子、隨行杯等,祇要其中一個顏色或質地不對,便會感到渾身不自在。我經常出門上課或赴約遲到,多半是在猶豫這些細節,縱使別人不會注意這點,我就是非常地care。

5. 文字上的癖好。我非常重視國字的使用正確,因此錯 字、火星文、新注音不選字、贅字、過多的口語….等,都會讓我感到極度不舒服,而且對內容起不了參與感,覺得不像是有意義的人類語言。雖然這並不意謂 著我一定要文謅謅地寫字,閱讀太多文字我會頭暈,然而透過文字所傳達的語感與態度,是我格外在乎的吧。

酒精

教授不怎麼喜歡我的「子夜醉歌」這首曲名,但事實上
適量喝酒對心臟比較好,因此做完碩論之後我又開始喝酒了。

那年暑假喝得特別多有另外的原因,譬如想要遺忘某些人事物,或者淡忘某些悲傷的感覺。我不否認自己曾經喝醉過,也不排斥喝醉,當然爛醉如泥便惹人厭了。我相當享受微醺的感覺,比起因咖啡因引起的心悸舒服得多。

許多詩人也都因飲酒而留下著名的作品,像是李白「舉杯邀明月,對影成三人」,杜甫「忘形到爾汝,痛飲真吾師。….但覺高歌有鬼神,焉知餓死填溝壑。」 等詩句,皆是醉茫茫的境界。也許師長同學們會認為喝醉很沒形象,腦筋渾沌無法理性地思考創作,然而如今我發現偶而喝醉有益身心健康,不僅紓解因學術壓力產 生的緊繃,更使腦袋比冥想更容易放空。

其實我酒量不好,最愛喝的還是7-11便買得到的蝶矢梅酒,酒精度15%,甜甜的但後勁很強,飲入腹中的感覺是灼熱的。剛開始會感到些許的噁心感,因為空 腹喝下酒精,必須與腸胃做過一番掙扎;在喝到半瓶之後,這樣的不適便很快地消失,取而代之的是雙頰、耳後如火燒炙般地熱度,入口卻是甜的。精神便在此時逐 漸甦醒,有種難以言喻的釋放感,稱之為微醺:這樣的飲法不能急躁,始能真正體驗並感受每一段轉變的過程。

因為酒精使人舒暢,再接著喝下去便會漸次轉為興奮、狂喜,像是性愛所達到的高潮,甚至忘我。這時便是進入醉的狀態前兆,若想體會醉的境界,應該在此時見好就收,神智介於清醒與夢幻之間,腳步並且會有些踉蹌。

若沒在高潮時停止飲用,生理的狀態便會逐漸遲鈍、昏沉,興奮的意識並不會因此消失,中心轉為強烈的個人主導,邏輯隨著生理反應之顯著而退化。通常別人會在這時跟你說「你喝醉了」,但這種狀況是無法完全自覺的,直到開始產生第二次的噁心感為止。

再描述下去便不雅了,就此打住吧。

所攝取酒精的份量因個人酒量而有所不同。以我為例,若啜飲5%~6%左右的雞尾酒,大約喝到1L才會到達「醉」的境界。我從不在醉的當下思考及創作,但不否認我的創作仍然需要酒精的養分,如同我需要咖啡因刺激神經一樣。

藝術家絕對不是怪人,祇是比較懂得如何吸取創作的養分罷了。
我祇是很普通的作曲的人。

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